10:22 pm — 4 Comments

Oh, you’re one of those people. Never been on a cruise and never would. Never been on a cruise but have a strong opinion about it. Never been on a cruise but somehow you’re sure it’s not for you. Your friend told you about their P&O holiday. You watched The Love Boat. You just know.

Now, tell me, what do you think about when you hear the word “cruise”? Trapped on a floating resort? (Poor you!) Fat Americans? Drunk Aussies?


What about the small ships with fewer people than at your local pub? The voyages where you spend more time on land than water? The all-inclusive luxury megayachts; the three-masted tall ships with sails billowing in the wind; the adventure expeditions; amazing places like Antarctica that can only be reached by sea; or Australia’s outback in the Kimberley, or Asia or Europe, which are much easier (not to mention more scenic) to explore by river? There’s more to cruising than you think.

Allow me to debunk the Top 4 Cruise Myths with the shattering truth. These are the four reasons I hear from people, over and over, about why they would never go on a cruise. As if it were a fate worse than death.*

* Unless your ship sinks; in which case, it may cause death. Moving swiftly along….

1. You’re stuck on a ship

No, you’re stuck in your own head. Sorry, sunshine, but there is plenty to do and see. What’s that saying? Only boring people get bored. And what many people don’t realise (because they’ve never actually been on a cruise to legitimately judge it) is that you DO get off the ship almost every day, all day. Sometimes you don’t get back on board until midnight (or the next morning – but that’s a story for another time).

2. It’s full of bogans/white trash

Please. Get over yourself, or go pay for a luxury cruise. Unless, of course, your wealth is not as vast as your snobbery suggests. Ouch!

3. It’s full of old people

I can’t completely deny this one. On certain ships, yes, you’ll be surrounded by seniors. (Chances are, you’re not that much younger than them, or behaving that much differently to them.) But you could also say these are people who have simply lived more, and quite possibly more interesting, years than you. Half of these “oldies” are fun, fascinating characters. I’ve had the most hilarious conversations with retirees – an ex-hooker comes to mind – and heard awesome stories, such as the World War II jet fighter pilot who wanted to sail through Germany to check out the towns he helped destroy.

Think about it: these are the lucky bastards who have shaken off the stresses of work and raising kids and now they are Living The Life. They’re happy and relaxed – and that makes them very refreshing to talk to.

As for the other half? Yeah, you’re right, they are dull, so be sure to avoid those buggers. (Next week, I’ll tell you how.)

4. I might get seasick.

Drugs, people, drugs. Most cruise passengers end up enjoying the motion of the ocean, but if this is your main concern, go to the pharmacy/doctor and pop those pills two hours before you set foot anywhere near the sea. Or, you big bloody scaredy-pants, take a river cruise. There’s no such thing as riversick.

Now, stop making excuses, subscribe and learn the truth about The Cruisey Life. The good and the bad. You might thank me one day!

– By Louise Goldsbury

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Louise Goldsbury

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In 2013 I was named Best Travel Writer at the National Travel Industry Awards. And until someone corrects me, I'm claiming to be the youngest cruise editor in the Southern Hemisphere. Editor of Cruise Weekly since 2009, I also contribute to Sydney's Sun Herald newspaper and various travel magazines and websites.

4 responses to SO YOU’LL NEVER GO ON A CRUISE?

  1. Alf Ramsay at 6:47 pm

    Friend of mine just come off a Cruise – Fremantle to Asia – Voyager of the Seas.

    Never again – Drunken Ozzie Bogans – just like Kuta.

  2. I’m sorry, but there ARE a lot of bogans on some cruise ships, although they are mostly avoidable. You don’t have to be wealthy to want to avoid a load of rude idiots! In fact, you can be wealthy and be a complete bogan. Having said that, we can usually avoid their nests and we’re trying a new line to see if that makes any difference.

  3. Andrea B at 1:23 pm

    Loving your site!

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