Archives For Blog

What Happens If You Die On A Cruise
Let’s hope we don’t ever find out for ourselves!

How to Avoid Boring, Rude or Creepy Cruise Passengers
I type with my tongue firmly in cheek. And yet, my tips are quite useful!

Penguin Porn
The “ins and outs” of penguins mating in Antarctica.

Led Astray by the Captain
When a (married) captain took me back to his quarters…

The most annoying things about cruising
As voted by Cruisey Life subscribers.

Confessions From the Hot Tub
The one about the time I cut a priest in the Jacuzzi. Yeah, that one.

Drugs on a River Cruise??
An interesting offer in Amsterdam. Somehow this story won me a national award.

Worst Cruise Ads Ever
The “pointless point”, anyone?

Dance hosts: hostitutes?
Do cruise ship dance hosts do more than dance with female guests?

Pier Runners
Watching people almost miss the ship – my favourite spectator sport.

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Feeling inspired? Jogged any memories?
Tell me your funny stories… I will publish them (anonymously if you prefer). Email me via the Contact page.

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After the UK survey released earlier this week, Cruisey Life asked its Facebook family and subscribers what annoys them most on cruises. Turns out it’s other cruise passengers – usually people at the buffet. Where everyone has knives!!

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Congratulations to the 2 winners of our Sea Siren Cosmetics giveaway.
1st: Lisa Zietlow Willard
2nd: Diane Trevor
Thanks to everyone who entered, liked and shared!


Launching our 1st giveaway, in conjunction with Sea Siren Cosmetics, Cruisey Life Uncensored has TWO collections of Australian-made nautical-themed nail polish up for grabs!

1st prize: Choose from Enchanting Exotics (7 colours), Bewitching Brights (6 colours), Captivating Classics (6 colours) or Dreamy Delights (6 colours) – worth up to $95.

2nd prize: Choose one of the above collections in the ‘Wanderlust Minis’ travel size – worth up to $40.

That’s up to 7 bottles for each prize winner!

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Call me a she-devil but I really enjoy watching people almost miss ships or planes. And I’m not the only one.
“Pier running” has become a daily event on a cruise, and passengers will sit on the top deck or their balcony to catch the free show!

Around 15 minutes before departure from a port, we all go out there to see who’s late and sprinting down the wharf. Without fail, at least one couple (but often 10 or more people) will be legging it, stressed out of their minds, or jumping out of taxis. Some stragglers just make it back with a minute to spare. The looks on their burning red faces, when it turns to relief, is priceless.

Truth is, I was once a pier-runner. It was HORRIBLE.

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Couples cooped up in cabins, multiple generations on family holidays, crazy friends on booze cruises…suddenly unleashed on the seas, with no escape for hours at a time – it’s a recipe for pent-up frustrations to explode. Or if you’re lacking inspiration for your next argument, try these out!

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Because I would rather be thrown overboard than sit through another rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, I’ve been thinking about some better ways to be entertained on cruises.
While some companies are making a good effort to dream up new ideas, I reckon they can massively improve in some areas. So here is my list of things I’d like to see on ships in the future…

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Nobody warns you how much penguin porn you’re going to see in Antarctica. Yeah, the travel agent or an article may mention it’s mating season, but you really aren’t properly prepared for the sheer amount of raw animal sex in public.

My voyage to the nether polar regions coincided with the start of the nesting period, when Gentoo penguins are setting up their love shacks and seeking a partner to keep warm. Cruise travellers get to watch, up close and far too personal, how this courtship unfolds…

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10:00 am — 1 Comment

The highlight of P&O’s three-night comedy cruise was a song about cougars, frequently spotted hunting cubs in boardshorts on pool decks or drunk-dancing in ship nightclubs. I say, you go, girls! The performance was most appreciated by the over-40s women in the audience, who cheered and screamed and laughed and pointed at themselves. I am cougar, here me roar!

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P&O is adding an intriguing activity to its Australian-based ships. No kidding, it is called ‘Titanic Moment’. But it won’t have anything to do with sinking the ship in icy waters. Passengers will simply have the chance to go out on the bow (usually out of bounds on P&O) and re-enact that iconic movie scene where Leo and Kate…I mean, Jack and Rose…stand on the bow, arms outstretched, sailing into the sunset.


Another cool new thing to try is climbing up the ship’s funnel. Makes other rock-climbing walls seem a little dull in comparison. Personally I’ve never seen the appeal of climbing up a wall. There’s an elevator, people!

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