Archives For July 2013

On a ship with hundreds or thousands of people, you’re bound to bump into a few duds. The stalker couple who are somehow ALWAYS EVERYWHERE you go. Don and Dorothy from Dullsville. The drunk, deluded bogan who thinks you’re his new best mate. The slurring, sloppy cougar. The racist, sexist pig who’s rude to all the waiters. The bragging wankers in the owner’s suite. That stalker couple AGAIN.

Nobody wants their holiday ruined by fellow travellers who just don’t get the hint. So, here are my 6 recommended ways to escape the cruisers from hell.

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Last night, Australian TV screened a documentary about the sinking of the Costa Concordia in 2012. While I posted my reactions on Twitter, I found a link to this great song about it: “What Was He Thinking?” by Kenny Giordano.

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Over the weekend I was named Best Travel Writer at AFTA’s National Travel Industry Awards, held in Sydney, Australia. Total shock, but a great thrill and honour. So just a quick thanks to Craig Owens, of Cruise Office, for nominating me, and Quentin Long, publisher of International Traveller, for commissioning the winning story.

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A “hostitute” is a saucy, scandalous combination of a dance host and a prostitute. Now, I am not saying such people exist on cruise ships. Someone else told me that.

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It was midnight at the jacuzzi…as all good stories begin…and I snuck in, ignoring the closed sign, with my friend. The ship was crossing between Australia and New Zealand, a typically windy stretch of sea, and I was carrying a bottle of wine and two glasses. I placed them down on the side of the hot tub as I climbed in, when suddenly a gust of wind blew them into the water! We rescued the wine and one glass but couldn’t find the other one. That’s when things got much, much worse….

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